When The Bullet Does Not Hit Home
by Yodanskinator
Summary: You know what I hate? Broccoli. You know what I hate more than broccoli? Take a guess. Being thrust into the world of Dragon Age. I'm sure you guys would love to escape reality and end up in such a world, meeting your favorite characters, but no. You would not want to end up as an elf like me, because people tend to hate elves. And I know I will never be able to return home.
1. Prologue

Magic had loomed all over the world, but not as much as it it did after the Breach tearing open the sky.

With demons set loose, the real world and the Fade were finally completely open to each other. Literally.

People had driven mad due to spirits being forced into their bodies and minds, turning into demons.

But not only demons had entered people's bodies, other people, too.

People from a whole other world, speaking a whole other language and being used to a whole other culture.

How I knew? Well, I was one of them. _Was_.

You know, a few weeks ago I had been stalking Krewella's Facebook and Twitter day and night, waiting for their new singles.

And guess who would never visit their concert.

Yes, me.

And honestly?

I didn't know what was worse, Trump having become president or the fact that I had been _thrown out of the fucking_ ** _breach_**.

It would have been okay if I had become a qunari, a human or dwarf or whatever race that would have made my life a bit easier, but an elf?

Boy, was I fucked.

Well, at least the Inquisition soldiers had been so nice as to rescue me at the Conclave, among others who were in a somehow similar position as I.

"Oh hell naw, boy, I ain't stayin' here, I wanna go home." I watched a dwarven man argue with one of the soldiers, his left hand resting on his hip cocked to the side, his right finger swinging around in the air in a sassy manner. "I know Tyrone set'chu up fo' dis to scare me but he ain't gettin' nothin'!"

Suddenly he turned pale, eyes widening with shock as his hands shot up to his lips.

"Da fuck is dis?" He asked, realizing something was wrong, before breaking out in tears as he felt his long beard and hairy chest.

"Dis ain't my body!"

And I'm sure you know what medieval people did to those they deemed crazy or different.

Either they follow them, like Jesus or Jeanne D'arc, or, as it probably was the case with the shemale dwarf, they killed them. Sometimes they even did both, following then killing them.

I glanced down when the dwarf was being led away by the two guards as I didn't want to see what they would be doing to her.

How many confused and innocent people would they even kill?

I really didn't want to think about it…

* * *

 **Chapter 1: The Hardships of an Elf**

I strolled through the camp as inconspicuously as I could, exploring areas that had been impossible to do so in the game and trying to find other 'Earthlings', but to no avail.

With a sigh I plopped down on a rock which proved to be one of the worst things you could do in your life because shit that hurt like hell!

I gritted my teeth and grimaced, trying not to whimper in pain and sucked it up.

Opening my eyes I noticed a dwarf observing me in between crowds of people who scurried from one place to another.

Being the irritable person that I was, I furrowed my brows and shot him a glare as I was definitely _not_ prepared for fricking stalkers watching me at my worst moments. In fact, I _hated_ people who couldn't stop looking at me. Do I have something on my face? Is my eyeliner bad? Who the fuck are you to judge me anyway, you piece of shit?

But those thoughts were soon cut off as a certain realization hit me like the lamppost I had once walked into back home.

That dwarf had a crossbow strapped to his back. _A crossbow_.

You know who else always carries around a crossbow? Exactly.

And I just shot my most challenging and pissed off glare to none other than _Varric Tethras._

 _Boy oh boy, it's just getting better and better_ , I thought sarcastically as I leaned my forehead into my palm, hoping he would not come over. But I just knew he would interrogate me at some point as he had probably already noticed something was off with the elf, as sharp eyed as he was.

 _Note to self, I guess: Try acting more elfish and less rambo_.

"You there, elf!" I was so lost in thought that I hadn't been aware of a man having called for me probably several times now, nor the fact that Varric had vanished from the spot he had been at.

Slowly I gazed up into the direction of where I supposed the man was, only to be greeted by one with a very angry expression.

"Yes, I'm talking to you!" He yelled. "Stop sulking and come here!"

I blinked and looked at him dumbfounded, struck by his massive ugliness. His long beard, his thick messy eyebrows, his sharp crooked nose. Like damn, how could one be _that_ ugly? And where was the rest of his hair? It looked like his hair on the top of his now mostly bald head had wandered onto his beard and eyebrows. Oh my God.

I didn't realize he had approached me until I was brought down to earth again by him suddenly backhanding me. Hard.

"The fu-" I was interrupted as I flew off the rock and landed on the snow face first.

"I told you to get up, you stupid bitch!" The man was so furious now that he had turned red and his veins and eyes almost popped out from all that screaming.

 _Okay, so I am just going to ignore the fact that you slapped the shit out of me because I'm an elf. But dude, calm your titties, I've just been forced out of my old life into a whole new one, okay? I'm having a hard time, too, you know._

I was about to get up to follow his orders as a sharp pain went through my stomach and I flew across the snow again, because obviously that man did not possess the patience to wait for me to get up, so he had kicked me, because that's exactly how you get someone to stand up. Such logic.

Again, I tried to get up, but he didn't ease off, kicking me over and over again. Clenching my fists I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping he would stop eventually with anger boiling more and more inside of me.

At some point my body had become numb to his attacks which subsided after countless times of kicking.

"I hope this taught you a lesson, elf," he snarled, looking proudly about at the crowd that had formed around us which led me to the question: Why in the living hell hadn't they helped me?! I know I'm an elf, but that was definitely _intolerable_. No one even cared a _bit_.

"Now get back to work."

 _Get back to work my ass, you fucking degenerate_.

Still keeping my mouth shut and locking my anger up inside, I slowly got up as if nothing had happened, dusting the snow off of me and wiping the blood off my nose.

"Which part of 'get back to work' didn't you understand, elf?" The man growled as he threatened to punish me again.

"What is going on?" An authoritative female voice spoke sharply, revealing an armored woman with short black hair stepping out of the crowd.

Noticing my bleeding nose and the number of bruises across my whole body, her stern gaze switched to the fragile old man before me who puffed out his chest.

"I just taught this elf a lesson for not obeying my orders," he responded proudly.

"A lesson too harsh for simply disobeying orders, no?" A red-headed woman clad in leathered armor interfered, shooting a mysterious glance my way before focusing on the man.

I felt relieved at the sight of these two women whom I immediately recognized as Cassandra and Leliana, my anger subsiding and my mind becoming clear and rational again. Oh, and I was able to feel pain again. Lots of it.

With the pain becoming almost unbearable, I hissed and bent forward, holding my ribs with one hand and preparing the other for a possible impact with the ground which turned out unnecessary as two elves rushed to my aid and led me away.

I didn't get much of the conversation between the man and the women as I was too focused on the pain, and the two elves talking things to me I couldn't understand as my hearing was being blocked.

Black dots began blurring my sight until they swallowed it whole. _Hello darkness, my old friend._


	2. Chapter 2

"By the Maker," Adan gasped as he saw the female elf being brought into his tent, "who is responsible for this?"  
One elf holding her shook his head.

"Don't ask, ser," the other responded hesitantly, eyeing the female worriedly.

"Don't tell me it was Frederick," the healer grumbled while he was signaling them to lay her down on one of the free cots.

"I'm afraid so, ser."

"This man!" Adan exclaimed hot-headedly, getting together his potions, salves and bandages. "She's already the 22nd elf being brought into this tent in four days!"

The elves winced at his tone, sharing an unsure glance with each other, before watching the man tending to the woman's clothing.  
Not having heard the tent flap Adan stopped and turned around to see the elves still standing there.  
"What are you still doing here?" He scolded. "Leave now or I will have your heads, you lecherous brats!"

At that they shuffled out of the tent.

Seeing the number of awful bruises Adan shook his head in disbelief. "Just wait until I have the authorities see this, Frederick," he mumbled, "I surely will not miss you when you're dead."

"That will not be of necessity," a voice behind him spoke, causing him to jump in his seat.

"Didn't I tell you to leave, you useless wretches?" Adan growled without turning around.

"Now that is an intriguing title to call the Spymaster, dear Adan," the woman behind him chuckled, getting a huff from the elderly man.

"As you can see, I am not in much of a good mood, Spymaster," the healer spoke more calmly, "you really should have hanged that bastard by now after all his wrongdoings, lest he eventually kills someone."

"I understand," the red-headed woman responded, "he is already being taken care of as we speak, for he has proven a hindrance and danger for the Inquisition."

"Good."

"But," she carried on, moving over swiftly to his side, observing him as he tended to the woman's injuries, "I am here for another matter. When will she be awake?"

The man sighed. "Spymaster," he began, now turning to her, meeting her sharp gaze, "I know you will want to interrogate the elf as soon as she awakens, but I would ask you not to. She will not wake up before we reach Haven, nor will she be in any condition to handle your harsh interrogation methods."

Her brows furrowed slightly at his criticism, followed by a curt nod of her head. "I understand."

With that the Spymaster left the tent, meeting the elven mage's expecting gaze outside and shaking her head, before making her way to the war table of the camp.

* * *

When I woke up I was enveloped by warmth.  
Oh boy, was it good to be home again. Being beat up by an ugly old man sure was one hell of a crazy dream.

Actually, after that dream I had dreamt of several other things, most of which I couldn't remember.  
The only thing I could recall was that the man's eyebrows had come to life and chased me through a town.  
I didn't get far, though, because I was too slow and somehow seemed to run in one place.  
The best part was when I kept screaming like a terrified turtle as those giant eyebrows approached me inch by inch, and then… they just wobbled past me.

Oh, and I did end up at a Krewella concert. I even got to play DJ, too. Even if it was just a dream, it was a great experience, although it was a bit too lucid for my standards.

Okay, so, now coming to reality let me explain to you my morning routine. Normally, if I was not stirred awake by my alarm for school and caused to fall off of my bed, I was always woken up by my three-year-old half-brother at around ten o'clock in the morning.

It usually started off with him screaming, "Abla! Abla! Abla!"  
For those readers who don't know, 'abla' is the term for 'big sister' in Turkish.

Anyway, my lovely brother would bang the kitchen doors downstairs before running into my room and knocking over everything dear to me. Sometimes with cream on his hands.

Then either my mother or step-father would walk in, scold him very _loudly_ and leave with him.

And that, my dear readers, was why I wanted to savour the moment of peace in my bed, praying no one would disturb it.

At some point, though, I came to the realization that it was not _my_ bed I had been sleeping in, nor was I even in my room. Why, you may ask? Because I had heard the crackling of fire and last time I checked I had no fireplace in my room.

"So you're awake," I heard a man say from the other side of the room.

 _No, I'm not_ , I thought nervously, _don't you see my eyes are closed?_

"You may stop pretending, I know you are awake," he spoke again calmly.

 _I am not pretending, you fuck, now leave, I'm sleeping_.

And then I heard his footsteps approaching me.

 _Okay, okay, I yield, please stay where you are and don't rape me!_

My eyes shot up as I immediately sat up in 'my' bed, glaring at the man.

"Don't you dare take a step closer, you-" I trailed off as I recognized the elf approaching me.  
Yes, he was bald and had no shoes and was probably having a wonderful first expression of me just like the dwarven gentleman with the crossbow.

And you know what else?  
I was still in fucking _Thedas_!

He furrowed his brows at me, his expression becoming puzzled. "I mean you no harm."

 _I know... I think._

"Where am I?" I asked, thinking it was best playing dumb and oblivious and observing the wooden room.  
"You're in Haven," he answered curtly, "and my name is Solas in case you have forgotten our encounter in one of your dreams."

 _Wait, he stalked me in my dreams?! Shit, what did I even dream?_

"H-how?" I stuttered.  
"I am a mage," he explained, pulling over a chair to my bed, "I possess great knowledge about the Fade, thus I can visit the dreams of other people."

 _I know, Saitama. Now get to the point._

As he sat down, he turned his mysterious gaze up to meet my confused one.

"What are you?"


	3. Chapter 3

Wait, what?

"Wha- what do you mean 'what are you'?" I asked back uncertainly. Did I suddenly get horns growing out of my forehead or what?

Solas didn't seem to like my answer as he narrowed his eyes at me. "I know that you are not normal nor are you from this world."

I gulped, trying not to act too suspiciously.  
But, if all else failed and everyone turned against me, I would eventually just wake up, right? This was just a dream, right?

"I don't know what you're talking about," I began hesitantly, "I mean I'm just a simple elf-"

Before I could finish the bald elf cut me off with a reprimanding tone. "We both know that is not the case here. I would not risk acting oblivious if I was you."

I bit my lips nervously, avoiding his piercing stare and lowered my head, my troubled expression showing through.

 _So we're being threatened now?_

I couldn't help the slight anger building up inside of me, but on the other hand I was scared shitless, because I did _not_ know what would happen to me and if this whole situation was real or not.

"Look," I tried again, my furrowed brows becoming ever so evident, "I don't know how long I have been asleep, but the last thing I remember is that _shem_ beating me half to death with no one coming to my aid and now _you_ want to accuse me of being a demon?"

With that I saw his mask falter for a brief moment, revealing his own troubled expression and a glimpse of sympathy in his eyes, before it snapped back into its place.

"We have talked in the Fade once," he pointed out calmly, without a threatening undertone this time, "you have bent it to your wills like no other mage I have ever seen and even now I sense a very strong connection to the Fade in you. So yes, I will accuse you of being a danger to these people until you prove me otherwise."

Oh, so _I_ was dangerous now, okay.

"If you think of me as dangerous, then what was that man earlier? I have done no one any harm and if you want to accuse anyone of being a danger, then you should start with that racist idiot who beat me half to death."

"I believe you're right," he sighed, now massaging his temples and giving me that mysterious look again.

 _Seriously, what's with these people acting all mysterious and thinking they're the shit? You're videogame characters, you idiots, I'm the realest here._

I still didn't know whether to explain my situation to Solas. I mean, if I lied now I would have to lie constantly and if I revealed it later everyone would be pissed at me. But having someone to keep my secret and back me up if anything happens… who better than Solas?

"I still do not grasp your connection to the Fade," he mused and broke the silence after a while, interrupting my trail of thoughts, "it is as if you were part of the Veil yourself. Belonging here, but also to the Fade. But there is also something else entirely…"

Inhaling and exhaling deeply I made my decision. "I don't understand that either," I confessed reluctantly, causing him to focus on me again with his ears perked up, "but before I tell you anything I want you to promise not to tell anyone unless I allow you to."

 _Yees, yeee- aw, come on, don't give me that suspicious look! Okay, shit, I'm ready to kill myself._  
 _What the hell was even the point in trying to explain the truth to paranoid medieval monkeys?_

"How should I promise to keep secrets for a spirit I cannot trust?"

 _Are you fucking serious, dude, I'm not telling you to kill anyone! You just gotta keep a secret, dammit!_

"Alright, how about I tell you everything and you decide whether it would be wise to have everyone else know."

As I received just a glare I took that as my cue to go on.  
So I told him what had happened to me, that I belonged to another world run by technology and where magic was nearly non-existent, that I somehow ended up at the Conclave thrown out by the Breach and was rescued by the Inquisition soldiers.  
And the part about him being a videogame character? Yeah, I excluded that.

Have you ever realized how funny watching people's expression can be? I did when I watched Solas' expression go from suspicious to understanding to pondering.

His fingers trailing along his jawlines his eyes became unfocused as he probably thought about how to turn that crazy girl in.

Finally coming to an end he watched me squirm nervously under his intent gaze.

"I will keep it a secret for now," he spoke, "but that does not mean I believe your story."

 _You better believe it, honey boy. You might be my favourite character in the game, but if you decide to make my life here a living hell by spilling my secrets, then I shall do the same to you._

"Thank you," I sighed, glancing down, "but what will we do now? What will become of me?"

"Leave that to me," he assured me as he stood up, ready to leave, "for now, you should stay here until I come back. I will send a servant for you to tend to your needs until then."

* * *

"Wait," she said as her hand shot up and held him by his sleeve to prevent him from leaving.

His gaze wandered back down to the elven girl, sizing her up suspiciously.

"What about our encounter in the Fade? I have forgotten everything," she mumbled sheepishly.

"We will talk more once I come back," the mage responded, still unsure what to make of this girl yet. He had agreed to keep her secret, but knowing too little about her will he be able to do so?

This he would have to discuss with her at another time extensively.  
As for now, he had his orders to inform the Inquisitor of the girl's awakening, planning to make sure of her safety for now and persuade the authorities to let him examine her case further, until he was sure of what exactly he was dealing with.


	4. Chapter 4

"Herald."  
"Solas? The girl is awake, I take it?" The Herald greeted the elven mage.  
"Yes," was his answer, "although I would ask you to let me examine her case instead of the Spymaster."  
"Because of her connection to the Fade?"  
"Correct. I do not believe her to be a danger as I have already talked to her. She is a confused spirit in need of guidance and interrogating her according to the Spymaster's or Seeker's methods will not only damage her, but the Inquisition as well."

The Tal-Vashoth took a moment to ponder before nodding her head slowly. "I understand," she agreed hesitantly, "and I trust you. But that does not mean everyone else trusts you or _her_. I will tell them not to harm her. Although I cannot prevent them from talking to her or invade her space in any other way."  
"I know," the elf retorted, "you have my thanks."  
"Keep me updated, Solas," the Herald called after him as he was leaving the Chantry.

* * *

I sighed as I sank further into the water.  
The servant Solas sent for me was one of the two elves who had taken me to the healer after I had passed out.  
So when he saw me he was starstruck by my probably ugly and bedraggled self for no reason.  
Or so I thought. Because apparently he had a reason which was me getting beaten up by that old fish-face.  
If I had known being beaten would make me famous, then damn, I would have done so back at home to finally be able to afford a brand new gaming pc with all of those blockbuster games and buy all the Sims EP's at once!

No, but seriously, that man was feared by all of the servants, not just elves, and I was allegedly the first person to 'stand up' to him. If not whimpering or saying anything at all is your definition of standing up to someone, so be it, bruh. Or did he mean literally standing up again after being beaten?

Anyway, that son of a bitch got what was coming to him (or should have come to him a long fucking time ago) and was executed for beating a dozen Inquisition-servants. Take that, asshole. Ain't nobody messing with that gang.

So Adren, yes, that's his name, was talking to me about almost everything really, inviting me to a "servant gathering" for only VIP elves. Well, actually a fan gathering, meet and greet or whatever you might call those events where you get to meet your most favorite superstars of all time. And I was the unwanting subject of that gathering.  
Seriously, I could take fame for being a DJ or a singer or actor, but fame for being beaten up? Oh hell no, take your admiration and leave me alone please, thank you.

Why am I always drifting off? I just wanted to tell you that Adren brought me this cool bathtub I was having the time of my life in. It was not as luxurious as back home, but for someone who had been in a coma for a couple of days without washing? It was heaven on earth. Or Thedas.  
And guess what, being an elf really was not all that bad. I mean, yes, you get beaten up from time to time for no reason, but hey, you have no hairy legs or armpits! Which was perfect for me, because I can't stand running around like a hairy monkey and being in this world I did not now where to get those products for plucking that damned hair out. Well, sometimes I did run around like that back on Earth, but I made sure as hell to cover those places thrice. And don't get me started on the damage it would always do to my self-esteem.

However, after being done bathing and getting on some new clothes I walked over to the dressing table Adren had provided for me and sat down.  
Taking the brush into my hands I was about to comb my hair when I suddenly noticed my reflection in the mirror I had been so keen to avoid.  
My jaw dropped as I saw the petite red-headed elven girl before me, her face shaped like a heart, with her hair only reaching under her chin.

 _Oh my God, girl, you lookin' damn fine!_

I mean, I had a thing for seeing beauty in almost everyone ( _almost_ , mind you), but this elf right in front of me? Her cuteness just blew my mind.  
But you know what? Looking that cute absolutely did _not_ match with my personality. I loved to curse and be irritated about almost everything to entertain the people around me, and some might have called me cute back home, but I just was not of such a high cuteness level. You might understand my problems or you might not, but I wanted my body back desperately.

* * *

Solas opened the door to the girl's shack, finding her at a newly placed dressing table combing her hair.  
"Excuse me," two elven servants rushed past him, heading for the bath tub that was standing in the middle of the room.

"Hello again, Adren!" One of them was greeted by the girl cheerily. "Thank you for the tub, I really needed it."  
At that his face assumed a red hue and a stammer of "You're welcome," before the elves left the shack again with the bath tub.

"Ah, so you have already made some friends," Solas remarked with a smirk when they were alone.  
"More like a whole fan club," she mumbled unamused, "won't be long until they praise me as their new God."  
Her last words causing him to tense and feel uneasy, he tried to cover it up with a cough.

"Why would they?" He inquired, his suspiciousness growing again.

"Well," she sighed, turning to face him in her seat, "apparently I'm famous amongst the servants for having been beaten up. Isn't that great?"

Her eyes lit up at the chuckle escaping him and he strode over to her with a chair. Sitting down and leaning back he watched her with an intent gaze.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, attempting to continue their conversation from before he had left as he was not yet satisfied by it.

"I'm okay," she shrugged, "there's a lot I need to get used to."

"I understand," he nodded, "what was your world like?"

"Well… for one I have told you already that there's no magic but technology and science. There are no elves, only humans around the whole world with many countries home to different cultures and languages. The technology grants us many luxuries that make our lives easier, like the bathtub for example. Here, it is awfully exhausting to constantly fill them using buckets. In my world we have running water..."

And she went on and on about her home world, her smile growing broader with each new aspect she listed, until it became plastic and her eyes glassy as nostalgia crept upon her, eventually causing a tear to escape her eyes.

Pity filling the bald mage he interrupted her, assuring her to find a way back home for her. Unsure of what to do he had stood up to stroke her shoulder in a comforting manner as she broke out into several sobs, failing at trying to contain them.

"We could go out for a walk if you like," he suggested, hoping to distract her from her nostalgia.

"No, Imma just cry my eyeballs out here, thanks," she joked, laughing in between her sobs and wiping away her tears as he smiled at her.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day Solas visited the elven girl again.  
He had wanted to take her out for a walk, introducing her to the Inquisitor and other companions, and ask for her name as he still did not know it.

He announced himself with a knock on the door before entering her shack and greeting her.  
"Hi, Solas!" She welcomed him with a broad grin while sitting on her bed cross-legged with a book he had given her on her lap. "The book you gave me is amazing! Who would have known what one could do in their dreams!"  
"Quite stunning, isn't it," he chuckled and she nodded enthusiastically.  
"You have to show me how to do that sometime!"  
"Of course I will."

To be honest, Solas was astonished by her cheerfulness. Considering her circumstances her ability to joke and laugh even in tears was admirable, a proof of her great strength.  
Feelings of guilt and sadness overcame him as he thought about his past and the people who had once possessed the same strength, but broke sooner or later. And he asked himself, 'How long until _she_ breaks?'

"You okay?" He heard her ask, having noticed he had been lost in thoughts.  
"I'm fine," he lied, smiling at her and changing the topic with a remark, "you haven't been outside since your awakening."  
"Oh… yeah. Didn't notice," she mumbled, grinning sheepishly, "guess it's time for a walk then."  
With that she hopped up from her bed, combing her hair and changing her clothes while the mage was waiting for her outside.

* * *

After putting on layers of clothing, a jacket and scarf, I was finally ready to go outside.  
I opened the door to find Solas waiting for me and you know what else was waiting for me?  
The freezing fucking cold hitting my face like a wrecking ball. The moment I had opened that damn door I couldn't feel my face.

It sure as hell was tempting to shut the door again, but it would melt my heart to do that to Solas who had been so good to me in the last few days.  
"Let's go," I chattered, already feeling way too cold.

Following Solas I wondered where he would take me first, but as we were heading towards the gate he spoke up, breaking the silence, "Have you ever seen a qunari?"  
I was about to say yes, but caught myself immediately before doing so. "Um. No?"  
He chuckled. "I guessed so. They might seem threatening at first, but do not worry, they will not attack you."  
"You're talking about them as if they're animals," I mumbled, getting a chuckle from him. "In most cases they are."

 _Oh, you racist fish, you._

But wait. Qunari? Shit. He was going to introduce me to the Iron Bull, wasn't he?  
I was so dead. In the game he surely was a cool dude, but being a professional spy with a keen eye? And a bulky mercenary? He was a killing machine, and a clever one at that. He could probably already smell me from a hundred feet away, knowing that I was suspicious.

 _Okay, girl, stay calm, you got it. Nobody's going to hurt you and nobody has a reason to. You've done nothing bad, you're good._

"… meaning we will have to prepare ourselves for it." I spotted two qunaris, one being Bull and the other a female I had never seen in the game before.  
She had stopped their conversation when she saw us approaching them, smiling brightly at me.  
"Herald," Solas greeted her, nodding his head respectfully. Ah, so she was the Herald. That explained everything.  
"Hello, Solas." Then she turned her gaze back to me, asking for my name with a polite smile.

Oh, my name. Yeah, I forgot to tell anyone. And Solas had probably been too busy comforting and coddling me to ask for my name as well.

"Ava." Wait, what? I blinked confusedly. Why did I say that? That wasn't even my name! Ah, well, whatever, Ava it is then. And for those of you wondering, my actual name is Denise. _Denise._ Does that sound like anything near _Ava_?

I saw Bull cocking his eyebrow at me and I forced a smile at him, probably looking like a nervous wreck. _He noticed. Shit._

"Ava," the female qunari mused while tapping her chin with her forefinger, letting 'my' name roll over her tongue a few times, "a beautiful name. I am Hata Adaar."  
Oh, she was an abla, then. But 'hata'? Was that the name her parents had given her or had she given it to herself? Given that 'hata' means fault or mistake in Turkish, I was suddenly very interested and worried about her past. And since the qunari were similar to the Earth's Ottomans and Seljuk Turks, it was not too far-fetched to believe that 'hata' had the same meaning in the qunari language.

Furrowing her brows her gaze wandered behind me and she announced that she needed to leave for a mission, taking Solas with her.  
He gave me an apologetic glance and squeezed my shoulder in a motivating manner as he was joining Cassandra and a blonde elven girl. Oh damn, that was Sera!

"Soo, Ava," my attention snapped back to Bull, "in case no one told you, I am The Iron Bull."  
"N-nice to meet you, The Iron Bull," I stammered nervously, forgetting all about the cold. Was it just me or did the weather do a 180° shift and suddenly become warm? It was me, wasn't it?  
I tensed when he roared in laughter. "See that, Krem?" He called over to a human not far away from us who seemed to have been watching us. "She got my name right! 'The' Iron Bull!"  
I blinked. What? Oh right, he loved to include the article in his name.

"Now," he tried to contain his laughter which died eventually, "no need to be afraid, I'm not gonna eat you."  
"Okay," was all I could get out. I mean, what else was there to say? 'Nice weather, oh and thank you for not eating me'?  
"Not much of a talking type, are you?" He asked me.  
"Um. I don't know what to say."  
He chuckled. "At least you didn't piss your pants like the last guy who had never seen a qunari before. Or maybe it was because he knew he was a spy I was hired to get rid of."

 _Dude._ _That's not making me feel any better._

"Anyway," he trailed off, smirking, "I heard about you. The servant girl that got beaten, but always managed to stand up."

I wanted to reply in my usual sarcastic tone, but I halted. How was I going to answer now? Solas hadn't told me how to behave and I didn't even know if they knew what I was. Spirit, servant girl, girl from another world?  
 _Shit..._


	6. Chapter 6

Okay, I'd made up my mind.  
Acting like a spirit would just go downhill, because I have emotions and people had seen them.  
Therefore I decided to go for shy servant girl at first which actually wasn't too different from my original self. I mean, I am outgoing, sarcastic and humorous, but don't let that fool you. I have several phases where I just don't want to give a shit about social interactions and hole myself up in my room for a while.  
And there certainly are many strangers whom I could easily talk to as if we had known each other for a long time.

And then there's Bull. He was nice, but also _scary_.  
Well, at least he thought I was afraid of him because he was a qunari.

 _Wait… what did he say again? Shit, I hate being nervous. Something of me getting beat up by that old man, right? What do I say, though?_

I nodded hesitantly, squeaking out a "Yes."

* * *

The Iron Bull sighed hopelessly. He wondered why this girl was so shy around him. Minutes ago he had seen her being more talkative in front of Solas and the Inquisitor.  
Maybe she was traumatised and afraid of men she didn't know?

"You alright?" He tried another time and she nodded. "Hey, if anyone's bothering you again, The Iron Bull will be there this time."  
At that she smiled generously for the first time. "Thanks, 'The Iron Bull'," she said more confidently this time and he laughed. "You, I like you."

* * *

Well, to be honest my encounter with Bull hadn't been all that bad.  
I really thought he would rip my head off and interrogate me like I had read in fanfictions.  
Good thing he hadn't, because my stress level was rising the more time I spent outside of my shack.  
I felt uneasy, didn't know what to do or how to act and the only person I could depend on was, of course, not here.

I really missed Solas. And I would love to spank his sorry ass for simply leaving me without telling me anything beforehand.

"Come on, Sunshine, do you really want to hole yourself up in that shack of yours again?" I was about to open my door, but turned around to see Varric a few feet away, smirking at me. "You have spent enough time in there, don't you think?"  
"I don't know," I mumbled. I really didn't know. I guess it wasn't enough yet if I felt I needed to be alone than outside feeling uneasy and left defenseless.  
"Why don't you come with me and hole yourself up in there later?" He asked, winking at me. _You charming bastard_.  
"Alright," I sighed and followed him.

He had led me to a tavern which was suspiciously full of elves.  
"There she is!" Someone exclaimed, all eyes turning on me. _Guys, I'm feeling like a wreck and you want to give me extra attention?_  
Suddenly they applauded me, some whistling and others cheering. Somewhere in the crowd I noticed Adren approaching me before pulling me into a hug.

"I'm so glad you came!" He welcomed me with this broad grin of his. Was he ever able to stop smiling? Seriously, I had never seen him without at least a smile on his lips.  
Remember when I had planned to be inconspicuous and search for others of my kind? That ain't gonna happen because of that old shit.  
I felt like the Robin Deakin of Thedas.

"I didn't know you would be throwing a party for me today," I admitted laughing nervously, but seeing his disappointed expression my heart sank immediately. "But I told you, didn't I?"  
Damn, I hadn't been listening? Shit.  
"I was just kidding, Adren," I forced a grin and pinched him to see him smiling again.

"Anyway," he carried on, leading me through the cheering crowd and to a table, signaling for me to sit down as he sat next to me with Varric before us, "Varric here was so nice as to organize this party for us. He even offered to spend a few rounds of drinks for us!"

Drinks, oh yeah. Have I told you how I'm _not_ a fan of alcohol? Or drugs of any kind. Not because I can't hold my liquor or religious reasons, but because of health reasons and obnoxious drunks. If you went out partying with me, be sure to hide those mobile devices, because I'd sure be snapping a few pics and vids here and there to make fun of you, being the malicious person that I was.

"Oh Adran," I sighed, shaking my head as he laughed.  
"Well, Varric," he turned to the dwarf, "I guess you know who this is, then."  
"I do," he chuckled, "but only by title."  
They looked at me expectantly and it took a while for my head to click and understand what was going on.  
"Oh! I'm Ava." I introduced myself and Adan laughed as he ordered two tankards of mead.  
"The mead is amazing here," he told me, "You have to taste it while we're here!"  
 _Oh boy…_  
"I'm good," I answered with a smile, "enjoy yourselves."  
"But I already ordered you one," he tried to contradict, "what am I going to do now with it?"

I sighed. _Don't you force me to drink, honey boy._  
When the booze arrived I slid my tankard over to Varric with a polite smile and ordered myself some water as he raised a brow at me, but accepted it.  
"Come on, Jolly, she still needs to recover," he told the elf, bringing the tankard to his lips.  
"Alright," he sighed disappointedly before drinking his mead.

Let me tell you, that evening I did not enjoy myself. Ever since I got here I acted like an awkward and conflicted mutt. Why? I didn't know.  
I felt like I needed to walk around for a bit, so I stood up and walked up to the counter with my water while the others were getting wasted.  
"Not much of a drinking type, are you," an elderly man sitting next to me spoke up.  
"I'm afraid not," I sighed and propped my head on my palm.  
"Me neither," he said.

 _Especially you, old man. Booze would not be the best for your health._

"But here I am. It's as if time lapsed too quickly," he murmured, "I got too old too fast."

 _Don't we all, sir._

I nodded, too caught up in my own thoughts to listen to him closely.  
He continued, awaiting no further reaction from me.

"People think I'm someone I am not."

 _Same here._

"And the most hurtful thing you could imagine is not losing your loved ones, but your loved ones losing you."

I bit my lip as I thought of my family, my little shitpants Ilyas, my caring mother and step-father. What was actually happening back home if I was here? Did I disappear? Was the elven girl trying to master life in _my_ body? Was I dead?  
If so, how did my family react? Were they searching for me? Were they mourning for my death?  
I blinked back my tears as I bit my thumb to hold them back.

"I will never be able to return home."

And then realization dawned on me. My eyes shot up and my head snapped around to face the hurting man almost instantly, my tearful and knowing gaze meeting his.

* * *

Author's Note: This one took me quite a long and agonizing time to finish, but I think the end turned out quite well, no? For those of you who don't understand the Robin Deakin reference, he is a British boxer who is mostly famous for being beaten and knocked out in nearly every game. Poor guy. :(


	7. Chapter 7

"I see we're alike," the old man concluded, seeming relieved to not be alone in his struggle.  
One glance at the curious barkeeper and he signaled for the elf to stand up and follow him outside.  
Before doing so the girl looked around, meeting Varric's gaze.  
He nodded at her, waving his hand as a motion for her to leave before he turned his attention to the other elves who were already inebriated, singing and dancing merrily and celebrating the free drinks more than the actual reason they had been gathered there for.

"I used to like snow," he commented when he glanced up at the snowflakes falling from the sky, "but now it seems like a cage, the middle of an ocean I can't get out of no matter how far I swim."  
Her mouth pressed into a thin line as she tried to hold back her emotions.  
"What's your name?" He asked her as they began walking, watching her conflicted expression.  
"Ava."  
"That your name here?"  
"Yeah."  
He nodded. "Then you may call me Thomas."

They arrived at his shack and Thomas opened the door to let her in.  
The warmth of the fireplace embraced her as she stepped inside.  
"Sit wherever you like." So she sat on a chair close to the fire and Thomas next to her.

"Where are you from?" She asked eventually and he shook his head. "America. But what does it matter anyway? We're here now and we're never going back."  
"How do you know?" She asked with her brows furrowed. "There has to be a way to go back!"  
"I just know, okay? It's not long until I die and one day you will die here, too."  
She shook her head. "We'll figure something out," she promised, taking his hand firmly, "you can't just give up. We need to find more people like us."  
"I've seen most of them die," he scoffed as he withdrew his hand, "I don't want to have more to do with death than I already do."  
"Whatever, old man." With a sigh she rose from her chair, heading for the door as he spoke up again.

"You know… I wanted to be high up."  
She turned and saw him gaze into the fire.  
"Up there with the celebrities. Hollywood… yeah, I wanted a place there. I wanted to be _someone_. I didn't care if I would be an actor, a singer or a dancer, just whatever profession would get me there."

He didn't notice the girl returning to her seat and carried on. "I learned to sing, to dance, to play instruments. I worked hard to achieve my goals. I took over a candy shop with my brother to have enough money for more than basic needs. I'd even bring gifts back to the orphanage for my little brothers and sisters."

"What happened then?" Ava asked. "Do you know how you ended up here?"

"I died," he stated plainly, "at least I should have. I was shot in my own shop by a customer."

Ava gulped, not wanting to believe him. "H-how?"

"You really wanna know?" He scoffed. "At first he wanted to buy cigarettes. And then he accused me and my brother of being lovers. Just like that. He shot me, because he didn't like me and I was black scum."

She was surprised to see him so calm. Did he really accept his new fate?  
But when he turned his head to her she noticed tears streaming down his cheeks. "I have died to be close to death again. This is my fate," he sobbed, "but at least I will change something before I die again. I want to teach people the true meaning of life. I want them to embrace it and learn what wonders they can create themselves the only way I know."

Wiping away her own tears she walked over to the elderly man. "You are wonderful, you know that?" She said, moved by his words as she pulled him into her arms for comfort, trying to contain her own tears.

* * *

It had been a few days ever since I met Thomas and Solas still had not returned.  
What were they even doing all those days?  
But anyway, don't think I'd sat around on my ass all the time, because I had a accomplished a lot.  
I got to know Varric a little closer.  
Well, I had to, because he would not leave me alone after the incident at the tavern. I told him I had known him before the Conclave, but then that nosy bastard wanted to know what my business at the Conclave had been.  
You know, I was very much overwhelmed, but I was not completely unprepared for those kind of questions.  
I think I handled it fairly well as he did not ask further questions. I wasn't exactly sure he bought my story of being a Circle mage involved in the fight, but how did he want to prove it? Well, maybe by asking me to turn someone into a frog, I really hoped I would not have to use magic as I did _not_ know how to.

But what if I had magical powers, though? Solas told me I had a connection to the Fade like a mage, so I had to be one, right? _Right?_  
Ugh, why did I even tell that lie… I just knew it was going to bite me in my ass sooner or later…

What I did besides getting to know Varric? Avoiding Bull to not have to answer those questions again, for one. And Leliana.  
I helped Adren with some of his chores, visited the healer and began my first lessons with Thomas.  
He had insisted on teaching me how to dance and sing which proved to be difficult at first as we had been laughing all the time.  
Why we were laughing? Have you ever seen an old man doing hip-hop moves and breakdancing? I thought so.

After a while those things would become excruciatingly exhausting as I always fell asleep as soon as I hit my pillow.  
And to be honest, I had wonderful dreams every night, even when I did bungee jumping as a cactus.  
I had also fallen into a new morning routine, until that day I slept in because I had been too exhausted from the day before.  
I was jolted awake by several knocks on my door and slowly sat up, yawning and about to get up, as it opened.  
"Hey, who told you to come in," I grumbled sleepily, rubbing my eyes and glancing at the door.  
My eyes became wide, a bright toothy grin forming upon my lips as I realized who the intruder was.

"Solas!"


	8. Chapter 8

Solas chuckled at his cheery welcome. "Indeed it's me."  
"About time you came back, though," she remarked with a pout, "I didn't know what to do here without you."  
He sighed as he gave her an apologetic smile. "My apologies. I did not know the Inquisitor wanted me to accompany her on her missions."  
"It's alright," Ava huffed and rose from her bed, "but I have lots of questions for you, hope you're prepared."  
"I thought so."

They sat together like they usually did, discussing the past days.  
"If I understand correctly," he concluded, "you have told Varric you are a mage?"  
"Um… Yes?" Ava's nostrils flared nervously. "Don't give me that look, Solas, he made me nervous, I couldn't think! You know what rogues are like, I tried to avoid them, but they keep showing up until you give them an answer."  
The bald elf breathed out slowly as he leaned forward in his seat, taking some time to ponder while Ava was watching him expectantly.

"You might not be wrong," he spoke eventually, his gaze wandering back up to meet hers as he leaned back, crossing his legs, "you do have a strong connection to the Fade, therefore I am sure that you can access it. But how you can channel your magic we will have to figure out."

"Okay and how?"  
Another while of silence ensued, before he stood wordlessly from his chair to pace around the room.

"Stand." Raising an eyebrow Ava followed his command and he moved towards her, extending his glowing hands. "Give me your hands."  
"Solas, why are your eyes glowing?" The elf asked suspiciously as she hesitated, but obliged.  
The moment their hands touched a feeling of peacefulness and power surged through her and she shuddered at the sudden but pleasant cold enveloping her. Was that his magic? It was… _strong_ , but also… calming.  
She loved the strange sensations she was feeling. She wanted more.

When he retrieved his hands, hers followed, her fingers brushing gently along his palms, tracing up his arms and wandering onto his chest.  
As she opened her eyes she became aware of the sudden closeness between them. She was torn between apologizing and moving closer.  
But she was too lost in the moment, as was he, both bringing their lips closer to each other, his hands resting on her waist, hers wandering around his neck.  
His gaze was resting on hers, as suddenly the man tensed and shifted, slowly backing away.

Ava snapped out of her daze and blinked. What had just happened? She glanced at Solas who seemed unfocused and conflicted himself, before realizing a strange and warm feeling engulfing her arms and hands. Looking down she noticed violet sparks and trails of light dancing around her fingertips and grinned.  
"Holy shit!" She squeaked as she moved her fingers and arms, amazed by the lights accommodating to her movement and shooting out towards the fire with a flick of her wrist.  
Soon her joyful expression fell at Solas' lack of reaction.

"Solas?"

* * *

He blinked and looked at me, a slight smile forming on his lips as he congratulated me. He fucking _congratulated_ me. Wasn't he supposed to be a _little_ more excited?  
I was happy to at least get _some_ kind of reaction from him, but something was wrong. So very _wrong_.  
Even when I asked if he was okay, he would not reply as usual. Actually he didn't reply at all, he just nodded silently as if he was mentally absent.

"Your mother's a whore." No reaction.  
"I ate your hamster." No reaction.  
"I like wolves." _No reaction_.  
"Look," I tried again, "keep this shit up and I'll slap the remaining hair out of your bald ass."  
 _No fucking reaction_.  
"Okay," I shrugged, "you wanted it that way."

I raised my hand, preparing for a glorious slap, but hesitated. I just couldn't do it.  
"Solas!" I groaned in frustration and was very surprised to hear him chuckle in response.  
"I apologize, I was lost in thoughts," he explained and I rolled my eyes.  
"Seriously, what's up with you?," I grumbled and shot him a glare when he didn't answer. _You did not just ignore me_.

"I do not know," he finally said, "I guess I'm just tired."

 _Of course your are, princess_.

"Beds are at your disposal. Go jump 'em pillows if you so wish."  
He sighed at my grumpy comment and ruffled my hair before heading out. "I will see you later."

 _Yeah, whatever, you lazy fuck_.

Since that day he sort of avoided me at some point. I mean, we would talk, he would teach me more about the Fade and magic, but he would not go further than that.  
Granted, _that_ moment had been a special kind of awkward and I couldn't get it out of my head and I'm sure he felt the same way, but why go back to stranger altogether? It was frustrating seeing him randomly, but instead of smiling at me as he would normally do, he immediately looked away and acted like he had not seen me.  
He had stopped asking about my well being, he would not smile or laugh as often around me, he would not show interest in me as he had done. I hated that man. Well, not really. I couldn't stop thinking about him ever since then.  
I mean, I did think about him often _before_ that incident, but our relationship was kind of... like a strong friendly teacher-student-relationship, you know. But now? He had become a senpai I wanted to notice me. Bastard.  
I missed those times with him.

And thinking about that incident I really wondered what had come over me. I was not infatuated with that man, I mean come on, look at him. He looked like 40 plus a few thousand years given his background. And don't get me started on that butt-chin. But he looked good. From the right angle, mind you.

 _Oh, Solas, you are going to peel my skin off if you ever read this, aren't you._

Back to the initial topic, I was frustrated as I have already mentioned. So I tried to get my mind off of him and that day by visiting and training with Thomas more often. Have I told you how amazing his dancing skills were? But his singing left much to be desired, although that was probably due to him being in the wrong body.  
He was a musical genius. Everything was an instrument for him, his dancing had a wide spectrum of styles, and he was a crazily talented rapper.  
Talking about hard work, I wondered just _how much_ time he had invested into it back home in order to be so talented.

But singing and dancing was not all we had practiced. After my training sessions with Solas I had shown him my new hokus pokus skills and we were trying to figure out if he had some similar powers, seeing as he must have had that connection to the Fade as well.  
We didn't succeed, though, as we were both magical noobs and did not possess enough knowledge to know how to channel such powers.  
And that was when, much to my dismay, we had to bring in Solas. But even when he did that glowing thing on Thomas like he had done to me, nothing happened. I guess I was a special case then.


	9. Chapter 9

Solas had been on several missions with the Herald, which was more than welcome for him as he was still not ready to face Ava again.  
He did not know why, but on that day something had happened between them. It had not been the 'kiss,' but rather the cause for it.  
His magic had felt different than usual, probably because he had connected her magic with his to channel it.  
She must have felt the connection as well, seeing as how she had reacted to it.  
Before, he could not even fathom to kiss her or more, but now? After their magic had connected, he felt like he had been a part of her at that moment, as if his soul had been inside her body. Ever since he became more and more aware of this loneliness that had always been plaguing him.  
He had sought refuge in the Fade and spirits he encountered in his dreams, but he soon came to the realization that that was not enough to fill the emptiness in his soul. He needed someone real, someone who cared for him, someone he could trust, someone whom he found _solace_ in.  
And thinking of Ava… she did care for him. They even shared a secret she trusted him to keep. He trusted her as well, but only to an extent. His darkest secrets, however, were only for him to know. Always.  
It pained him to see her hurt expression whenever they would meet, since he would avoid her. He knew she did not deserve it, but he also knew he could not allow himself such feelings towards anyone.  
And every time he was with her, these feelings began to develop further, his longing to fill the empty space within him growing. But how much longer could he bear the pain? He could not avoid her forever.

"Solas?" He blinked as he snapped out of his thoughts to see the Herald's concerned gaze on him. "Did you listen?"  
He shook his head. "My apologies."  
"It's alright," she assured him, "I just wanted to hear your opinions on our next move. After everything we might have to choose between siding with Fiona and her mages or the Templars, although I am not yet sure what side to be on."  
Solas furrowed his brows at her, giving her a stern look. "Obviously, it would be much more preferable to aid the mages, Inquisitor. You would do them no good if you let them stray from one oppressor to another, who would be Corypheus. Mages are powerful and you need to use their power right."  
Hata nodded after a while of thinking. "I will consider your statement."  
"May I ask how you know aiding them both will be impossible?" Solas asked her with a criticising tone to which Hata sighed.

"Just because the Spymaster thinks we may not have enough time to help both, that does not have to be so," Cassandra cut in sternly, "and if you had spent less time doing simple missions, we might have had more time to help both factions."

Hata rolled her eyes and pressed her lips together, her expression becoming sour. "You know as well as I that saving citizens is of the same importance," she barked back, "we also need to further our knowledge and if you so believe it to be easy, then why don't you take the lead?"

"You are talking about saving lives and furthering our knowledge when you go help a family find their favorite ram," Cassandra scoffed.

"A ram possessed by a demon that would have attacked them sooner or later!"

"And investing hours in hunting rams for an incompetent man? We should have focused on more important matters instead of doing simple tasks for lazy people!"

Hata massaged her temple, hoping for her anger to subside. She felt relieved when Varric interrupted the Seeker. "Come on, Seeker," he began, only to get a glare.  
"Do not 'come on' me, Varric!" She snapped. "We should have saved time whenever we could."  
"No one could have seen this shit coming at us," he tried to reason with her, "the Herald does everything with a reason and if we had not helped that man the entire village would be starving by now. You can't expect them to go on as usual when there are demons that could jump at them from nowhere at any time."

The Seeker sighed as her face softened. "You are right. I'm sorry."

"Everyone is under stress, Seeker," Solas interfered, "especially the Herald. It is not so unusual that one acts too harshly."

"Let's just move on and _save time_ ," the qunari grunted and marched on without another word.

* * *

Thomas had been acting strange lately. Not only would Solas avoid me, but apparently that other piece of old shit, too. When I confronted him, I only got angry responses. You know those fits old geezers loved to throw? Well, our little Thomas decided to be exactly like that, ranting for a very long time. To top it off, that behavior was way too abnormal for him. I knew him, he was a calm, philosophical and caring person, not an angry personality hating the whole world.  
Of course he got a hold of himself eventually, apologizing to me a few thousand times and telling me how he _supposedly_ didn't know what had come over him.

 _Yeah, sure you don't, dipshit._

Anyways, he had a rough time then and I acknowledged it. The reason why he acted so repellent was because he had met another Earthling. So cool, right? Not for him, though. He couldn't stand meeting more of us as he tended to build a friendship to everyone, but most of those from the other side he had made friends with were dead because they acted out. Like the dwarf lady for example.

But the dude he introduced to me, an elf much like me by the way, had adapted pretty well to the new environment. I had encountered him in Adan's tent a few times, and he had introduced himself as his assistant Devin. I never would have thought _he_ of all people would be one of us, he just blended in too well.  
He was weird, though. I mean, he was nice and all and seemed like a calm guy, but there was this thing in his eyes. I know I might sound too prejudiced, but there was a hint of craziness in them, especially when he smiled. Even his smile seemed kind of feral, or was it just me?  
What I learned about him, though, was that he was fascinated by alchemy. He loved mixing different kinds of potions and experimenting with them. Just who had he been before?


	10. Chapter 10

"Hey, Chuckles," Varric greeted the elf near Ava's shack, "I wouldn't get in there if I was you."  
Solas furrowed his brows at him. "Why?"  
"Strange noises are coming out of there. I don't know what it is, but I have enough decency not to intrude."  
The irritation in Solas' face was imminent. Did he mean…? He walked closer and didn't even need to press his ear against the door to hear the loud rhythmic thumps. He even heard voices.  
'Don't tell me she…,' he did not want to continue his thoughts further.  
"Are you sure you want to get in there?" The dwarf asked when the mage reached for the knob.  
"Yes," was the blunt response. He did not think she would do something like _that_. At least he hoped she didn't.

Entering discreetly he was enveloped by warmth and instantly felt calm.  
He was not prepared for what he was experiencing, but somehow the calmness persisted, leaving no space for the surprise and shock that should have hit him.

Streams of violet light moved across the room, the walls shimmering in different hues of pink, causing the light in the shack to take on the same glimmer of color. Was that Ava's magic?  
He felt the ground under his feet vibrating slightly to the rhythmic thumps.

" _It must be difficult for you to resist_ ," he heard someone sing. Was that Ava? He noticed a black box in the middle of the room where the music seemed to be coming from, the streams dancing to the rhythm of the music.  
And then there was Ava on her bed, her eyes closed and her lips moving to the song.  
" _But you barely even scratched the surface..."_  
He was in awe. The music was so fascinating and calming and… different. And the box… where did it come from? He had never seen such a thing before.  
Solas had to overcome these wondrous feelings, as he was concerned for the girl and wanted to know what had happened. Or _how_ this happened.

Slowly approaching her bed he reached his hand out to her, finally brushing her arm after a moment of hesitation.  
A gasp escaped her before her body shot up, her hand now resting on her heart as she hastily looked around with her startled gaze.  
Her heavy breathing calmed when she saw Solas. "Ugh, Solas, who told you to sneak up on me like that?" She asked with a tone of slight anger, mixed with relief.  
Then her face fell, her expression becoming shocked and surprised when she noticed her surroundings.  
"What the hell?"

* * *

I'm taking it back. The talk about Devin being crazy? Nah, he was actually a really nice guy.  
We had talked about our old lives with Thomas, no one revealing too much about themselves. We exchanged names, though.  
Thomas had been an orphan named Raymond, probably around the age of twenty something. Or eighteen, nineteen? I don't know, he didn't tell me.  
Devin was actually a Mexican immigrant from the US called Carlos. He didn't go further than that. I felt like I was the one doing the most talking about my old life. Was it because I was a female? I even told them lots of shit to avoid questions that could have brought me to tears. Why did I do that, though? It was not like me to tell unnecessary lies.  
I mean, if I gotta cry, I gotta cry, so why did I have to avoid it then?  
Anyways, during that 'feel talk' Devin, or rather _Carlos_ , showed much sympathy to Ray and I when our emotions threatened to take over. He was actually the one asking the least questions about our old lives. Probably out of respect.

After that Carlos and I retreated from Ray's shack into our own little havens and I didn't know what was happening to me once I was alone.  
I began to tremble, my hands shaking and my legs feeling weak as memories of my past flashed through my mind, tears gathering in my eyes.  
I wanted to cry so badly, but I could not.  
Unable to stand any longer, I laid down on my bed, closing my eyes in an attempt to calm down.  
I was thinking of a song I loved back in Earth, playing it out in my head, pretending I was home listening to some music.  
At some point all my worries were gone when I hummed some of the lyrics I could remember, losing myself in the music.  
" _I guess I'm falling, and pulled you with me oh na na…_ "  
And the more I sang, the more I felt relaxed and the more the music seemed to become real.

" _It must be difficult for you to resist,_

 _But you barely even scratched the surface…._ "

I was so lost in my head that I just hadn't noticed anyone else with me in my shack, until I felt something brushing my arm.  
I almost died of shock. I immediately jerked up and actually had to take a long moment to become aware of the real world again and was very relieved to find that I was out of danger as it was Solas who had tapped me on my arm. Probably to see if I was okay seeing as I might have been laying there like a dead frog.  
But then I realized something was different. I noticed my magic having the time of its life, dancing to the song that should have been supposed to play _in my head._  
But no, there was a fricking _music box_ in the middle of my shack, playing that song for everyone to hear in the _real world._  
So yeah, I very much understood the confused expression of Solas, because mine was not too different.

"What the hell?"

One would have thought that the box would vanish or the music would stop once I was fully at my senses, but nope, that wasn't the case.  
The music was still there, the box was still there and the only thing that seemed to kind of ease off was the violet streams. My once ugly shack was still of a beautiful shimmering neon purple color, though. An easy way to renovate, actually. I had wanted to do that for a long time.  
The only questions was: Just _how_ did I do that?!

* * *

Author's Note: This one was inspired by RAYE's Welcome To The Winter. .


	11. Chapter 11

"Are you alright?" Solas asked me with that concerned look of his.

 _Yeah, uh, just lemme sort my thoughts because I have no friggin idea what the fuck I just did._

"Yeah," I replied, still not believing what was going on. But damn, that was my jam!  
"Can you explain this?"  
I shrugged. _How should I know? You're supposed to know better than I. Unless I'm a God, of course._

"I am as much at a loss as you are, Solas," I answered, still taken aback by our surroundings.  
"Hm," was his response before he took a long bloody time pondering. He seemed like he had a clue of what was going on, but possessed the audacity to not tell me. And I'm sure most of you know what he's like by now. When he was pondering, he would always take ages to finish. And stare you down the whole time.  
So you would just stand there like an awkward blobfish and squirm under his gaze, avoiding to meet his creepy as hell stare. I'm pretty sure he wasn't aware of what he was staring at or of the grimaces I was making.

The unbearable silence had been so long that I jumped when he suddenly spoke up.  
"I think I have an idea-" He trailed off as he noticed my reaction and chuckled. "I'm sorry."  
"No, no, go on," I urged. _I've been waiting long enough to finally hear what you're thinking, you melon, so tell me._ "Don't mind me."  
He nodded, smirking, and continued, "Concluding from what I have heard from you, I think you did all this subconsciously."  
 _No shit, Sherlock._  
"Do you know what that is?" He then asked, motioning to the music box that was still playing songs. I guess it was an endless playlist of songs I knew or had heard once.  
"It's a music box," I shrugged, "we have lots of it back on Earth. You usually have to put something in it to play these songs."  
"So you save the music on another object and link it with the box to play it," he mused and I nodded. _Wow, he understands this stuff pretty fast._  
"You could say that." With that I got up and walked over to the box. "And it's only playing songs I know," I mumbled while checking if there was a disk in it, "there is no USB stick or CD…"  
"Meaning?" Solas asked behind me.  
"Meaning," I sighed, "there is no 'object linked to it.' "  
"It might function through you," he suggested.  
"But how did it get here?" I was still at a loss as to what all of this meant. "Maybe you summoned it from Earth."  
 _You sound like I just summoned a demon._  
But wait… didn't that mean I still had a link to Earth? When I voiced out that question all Solas did was nod. "That might be possible."  
"So theoretically I could return back home one way or another?" I asked hopefully and he nodded again.  
"Theoretically, yes-" he began, but was interrupted as I threw my squealing self at him. Just the possibility of me returning home was enough to spark my long dead hope again, even if no one knew how to get back there yet.

"That's so awesome!" I exclaimed joyfully while squeezing Solas's torso, refusing to let go.  
I'm pretty sure he was unable to breathe by then, but he didn't let it be noticed.  
But one thing I noticed for sure was how he tensed up at the sudden contact. A feeling of deja vu crept through me when he patted my back awkwardly as if it was the first time in his whole life he was ever hugged by a person.  
 _Can't you just hug me properly at least once, it's not gonna kill you._

* * *

Solas was plagued by many emotions at once in that moment. He was glad to see Ava so happy, but on the other hand he felt grave hurt and disappointment. He knew they didn't know each other for long, but was she really that happy to leave again? He couldn't deny that he already liked her very much. He might even have developed feelings for her and after that magical moment he was sure she did the same.

A sigh escaped his lips as the awkward patting turned into a loving embrace. They were still friends, no matter what, and he felt like he needed to appreciate her while she was still there and support her in finding her way back home if that was what she wished. He had been selfish once and regretted it his whole life, he was not going to do the same mistake again.

Ava was surprised to feel him shift and pull her into a tight embrace, and a smile formed on her lips. Right then, she forgot about her home and breathed in his scent, taking in and memorizing every sensation she felt.  
Slowly, certain thoughts began to creep into her mind. She was thinking about the kiss they had almost shared long ago, wondering what his lips would feel like, what they would taste like. Was he wondering the same perhaps? She didn't know, and that uncertainty killed her inwardly. That uncertainty was the cause for all the awkwardness raging inside of her and she so wished to overcome it, but didn't know how.  
Her heart started pounding faster and faster until it raced, her face taking on a strong red hue the more she imagined how she would reveal her feelings to him, mentally preparing for it.  
'Fuck no,' she thought and tensed up, before she shoved the bald elf away from herself, desperately trying to bunch together an excuse to leave as quickly as possible. "Shit," she exhaled, avoiding eye contact and scurrying towards the door, "I forgot I had to do… things."  
"What do you mean-" Solas stopped mid sentence, since she was already gone with a slam of the door.  
Did he do something wrong? He sighed, lowering his head in defeat. He felt hurt. Again _._


	12. Chapter 12

After leaving the shack I was headed towards Ray's shack, in hopes of getting my mind off of Solas.  
But plans can change, you know?

"Ava." I stopped in my tracks and turned around to see Devin/Carlos waving me over to a secluded campfire. I still can't decide which names to use.  
"Hey, Dev," I greeted him, "what's up?"  
Nodding towards the Chantry, he responded, "Herald's up. She's gonna leave soon."  
"How do you know?"  
He smirked. "I listened."  
 _And that's it? Mind telling me more?_

As I voiced out that question he shrugged, chuckling. "Fuck you," I grumbled.  
"Love you, too."  
"Who do you think she's going to help? Mages or templars?"  
Another shrug. _Oh, if only I could I'd strangle you right now._  
"Stupid question. She's a mage, what do you think?"  
"I think being a mage doesn't affect the Herald's decision as much as you think," was my answer as I crossed my arms. At least it didn't affect mine when I last played a mage inquisitor in the game…  
"Whatever," he said and began walking, "I wanted to talk to you about something else. With Thomas."  
My clue to follow him, wasn't it?

We arrived at Ray's and much to my dismay, Carlos wanted to talk about Solas as soon as we sat down on the floor in front of the fireplace.  
"I don't trust him," he stated and looked directly at me with a piercing stare.  
"Why? He's a smart ass, but he's nice," Ray retorted and I agreed.  
"He visited Devin last night."  
"Carlos, you _are_ Devin," I huffed. I really didn't understand this guy and his riddles.

"No, you don't understand. Right now, we control these bodies, but the owners are still there. When we dream, we can contact them."

"Oh, you mean that, yeah, Tom and I meet in the Fade all the time," Ray added and turned to me, noticing my confused expression. Just what the heck were they talking about?  
"Didn't you meet Ava, Denise? In the Fade?" He asked and I shook my head. "To be honest, I don't even know if I dream, because I don't remember a single dream anymore."

"Well, that's… weird," Ray mumbled, looking at Carlos who had been staring at me for too long now.  
"That's bad," he stated, "everyone has got in touch with their 'partners' by now. Me and Ray are not the only ones, you know."

"Wait, you know more Earthers and you didn't tell me? Why aren't they here, too?" I asked baffled.  
"We can't just gather everyone around here, it would raise suspicion," Ray responded.  
"If we do, we die," Carlos added, "just like the others."

"But what does that have to do with Solas? Seriously, Carlos, you're creeping me the fuck out."

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Look, chica, I know you like that guy, but stay away from him. He's no good."

"Not before you tell me why," I growled. Was he serious? I felt like being left in the dark ever since we arrived at the shack and still no one bloody cared to explain to me what the hell was going on. I also realized they had withheld information from me from the very beginning.

"Just stay away from him-"

"Fuck no, Carlos, I'm not going to do anything before you tell me what the fuck your problem with Solas is," I ranted and stood up, ready to leave, "honestly, I don't even know why I'm wasting my time here with you, because apparently you two are keeping secrets from me."

* * *

Ray looked down in shame. He knew Denise would have wanted to know of more Earthers, but he also knew her well enough not to tell her. She had no bad intentions, but she was awful at staying unsuspicious. If she had known the others, she would have put them in danger by attracting attention to them. The Spymaster had tortured enough people already and she was watching out for more.  
Still, Solas being dangerous was something new to Ray, as well, and he wanted to know more.

"She's right, Carlos," he finally spoke up, "you need to tell us why he is dangerous."  
The elf sighed, running his fingers through his hair again. "Fine. Sit down, chica, it's story time."  
Denise rolled her eyes, but obliged.

"Solas visits dreams," he began, "no, he _invades_ them. Most of the time he goes unnoticed, but Devin knew he had been stalked for a while. So one time, _clock_ ," he clicked his tongue and continued, "he showed himself. They didn't talk much, you know, just smalltalk until Dev asked what he wanted. Want me to quote what Baldy said?"  
Carlos paused, smirking at Ray's and Denise's curious looks.

" 'Where is your demon?' "

"What?" Denise asked.  
"He meant me," the Latino said, "he knows we're sharing the same body. But I'm sure me and Devin ain't the only ones he knows of."

"Okay, but that doesn't make sense," Denise commented, to which Ray retorted, "To me it does. If he thinks we're demons he's likely to tell the Spymaster."

Carlos nodded. "That snitch killed off our people and we can't do shit about it. The Spymaster only picked the ones who acted out, though. So be careful what you do out there if you don't wanna be tortured and killed."

Denise shook her head in disbelief. "I can't believe it."


	13. Chapter 13

The next day I was approached by the Herald.  
"How are you getting along, Ava?" She asked and I shrugged. "Fine I guess," I sighed in response, "Solas taught me things about the Fade I never knew about."  
At that Hata laughed. "Yes, he is quite special, isn't he?"  
 _Yeah, a special fucking snowflake_.  
I didn't know what to think about him, though, ever since Carlos told me about what had happened between Solas and Devin.  
I was still at a loss regarding that topic, refusing to believe it. He was different to me, but then again the Dread Wolf had many faces.  
I guess I let myself be fooled by one of them.  
If I wanted to understand what was going on, I needed to observe _everything,_ how he behaved in and without my presence and the like, because Ray and Carlos refused to let me in on what they knew.  
I didn't need to prove to them that I was trustworthy, they needed to realize it themselves.  
Heck, they didn't even know I knew about what would be happening in the future. Did I make it evident to the people? Apparently not, because I was still alive and kicking.

"Ava? Are you listening?" Hata brought me back to reality by resting her hand on my shoulder.  
"I- I'm sorry, I was lost in thoughts," I apologized, "what were you saying?"  
The qunari gave me a kind smile. "It's alright. I'd just like to know your opinion about the templars."  
Only the templars?  
"You're planning on helping them, don't you?" I asked back and she nodded.  
"It was a hard decision. I am aware of what my decision might do to the already damaged reputation of the mages. Especially Solas will not like it."  
 _Solas here, Solas there. It's only gonna stop when you don't need it to, does it?_

"Honestly Herald-"  
"Please just call me Hata."  
I laughed. I didn't know she would hate her title so much already, but I respected her wish, adding an emphasizing tone to her name. "Alright, _Hata_ , look. Both sides are wrong. The templars are doing whatever they want with the mages, making them turn to demons desperately and be hated for it. Anyone who doubts you is free to shove their doubt up their ass and make those decisions themselves if they think they can do better."  
At that she had to giggle. "I didn't know you could be so foul-mouthed, Ava."  
"Come on, Hata," I said, "you can't tell me you're not having a hard time. People don't have to add to it, they chose you themselves. Plus, if the templars follow your lead, _you_ can change their attitude towards mages in the future and then the rest will follow."  
"Good point," she sighed in relief, "thanks for giving me a better feeling about this, I appreciate it."  
"It's not a big deal," I waved it off, "that's just common sense. At least it should be."  
"Oh, I don't know about that," she mumbled with her eyebrows raised, "anyways, I need to get ready, I'll be leaving soon. See you later."

And as she started wandering off towards the Chantry, questions popped up in my mind that I needed to know the answers for. What about the Earthers being killed? Did Hata know anything about them at all? Were some of them being tortured right now?  
You know these moments when several thoughts race in your minds in only a few seconds? That was happening to me right then. Hata was not too far away and I was wondering if I should stop her and ask about missing people. But what if it was too soon to act? A brief moment later I decided to leave it be and not to delay her departure any further. Time was of the essence, especially when the templars had quarrels amongst themselves. Arriving there even half an hour later would be dangerous given what would be happening there.  
So I decided to get going and visit the tavern instead of loafing around in my shack any longer. I had something to do and for that I needed to talk to people, observe the world _outside of my shack_ and maybe even start working with the servants. Because if there's one thing I know, it's that servants share lots of gossip and information. Probably even more than your average old lady whose life actually revolves around staring out of the window everyday and gossiping with other old women while their husbands scream at children to get off their lawn.

When I walked into the tavern, I realized just how much I had missed.  
Did you know that the Herlad had already recruited Sera? I didn't until then. I just assumed she hadn't for some reason, because I hadn't seen her last time I was there. Then again, _last time_ was ages ago.  
Some of the elves recognized me from the party, much to my surprise, because most of them had been shit-faced drunk.  
I asked them if they needed any help around, but they rejected it. Instead, I was sent to Adren who was at the battlements, polishing armors.  
He smiled brightly when I greeted him, telling me it had been so long since he'd last seen me and he'd missed me. Not without blushing, of course.

"It was a bit unfortunate that you had to leave the party so early," he said, changing the topic, "you missed so much, Ava!"

And then he went on with describing the party after I had left, not realizing that I began helping him polish armors. It seemed that Varric did have a relatively good heart when it came to Wicked Grace, since he had let the elves win. What kind of monster would want to rip off the little money they had, anyway?

However, it took Adren an awfully long time to notice I was working with him. After he wondered why he was done so quickly. You know, I always thought my mother was a professional at being muddle-headed, but Adren? He took it onto a whole new level, spacing out on just _everything_. How did he survive as an elf for _that long?_

"You know, Adren, I've been helping you the whole time," I pointed out, stifling a laugh. It was hard but I managed.  
He was blushing again, scrambling up from his little stool and _apologizing to me._  
"You didn't have to, really," he rambled, taking the armor and cloth from my hands. "But I wanted to help!" I pouted and he smiled nervously at me.  
"T- thank you, but I don't need help, r- really," he stuttered and I cupped his rapidly reddening cheeks into my hands.  
"I'm going to help you with whatever task you need to do, whether you like it or not," I said with a sweet smile, "am I clear?" And he nodded quickly, blushing furiously.  
"So," I said, retreating from him and placing my hands on my hips, "where to next?"

* * *

Author's Note: Well, to be honest, I'm kinda having trouble keeping track of this story. I am much farther in my head and I kind of need to fill in the space until and between all these scenes and twists in my head. So I apologize if it might take some time for me to upload, but I need to do some planning and meditating before continuing the story.

 **But,** do not fret, for I have another story up my sleeve and there are already a couple chapters up.

It takes place in Lothering at the very beginning of the Origins timeline, telling the tale of a lone mother having to cope with the Blight and keep her children safe. So if you are interested and in the mood to cry, feel free to check it out!


	14. Chapter 14

Okay, so whatever I tried to accomplish with the servants, it worked. Kind of.  
I didn't even try, to be honest.  
As soon as I integrated myself and they stopped questioning my working with them, they began filling me in with all sorts of gossip left and right.  
Did you know that some of the most crucial choices had not been made by the Hero of Ferelden but a woman from Lothering? Well, I didn't either.  
Apparently she had lost her family to the Blight and joined the cause together with Sten.  
But whatever had happened to her after, no one knew.

I had also found out what was going on with the Earthers. Adren had told me 'possessed' people would be imprisoned and tortured in the dungeons, offering to switch jobs with me at my behest, seeing as he served them food every day.  
But… was I the only one smelling the bullshit? Who would even go as far as to lock up 'abominations'?  
Not to mention that this sort of thing sounded more like something Corypheus would do. Just how stupid were these people?

So one morning, I decided to head down into the dungeons to 'feed' the prisoners.  
"Halt," a guard stopped me as I was descending the stairs, "I have not seen you down here before, state your purpose."  
 _I'm keeping your prisoners from starving, you twat._  
Assuming my 'purpose' was perfectly obvious, I held up the tray of food in my hands and snapped, "What does it look like?"  
 _Of course_ he didn't let me pass, because he didn't like my tone, calling me knife-ear. _Yeah, I'll see you when Haven is under attack and tea-bag your dead fucking body, you piece of shit._

And I _apologized_ for my tone, telling him how I was there instead of Adren and explaining my 'purpose' _in detail_ , because he apparently was too dim-witted to grasp it.  
He looked at me dumbfoundedly, as if to ask 'Adren who?', but he let me pass. I was really starting to resent every human in this village.

It took me a while to actually find the right corridor where my people were.  
They hadn't seriously sorted them out from the other prisoners, had they? As if they needed to be _quarantined_. Un-fucking-believable.

When I approached one of the cells the prisoner immediately sprung up and shot against the bars, causing me to almost drop the tray.  
"Essen!" He exclaimed, his extremely thin arms snaking through between the bars to get a hold of the tray. "Someone finally sent you to give us food!"  
I frowned. _Finally?_ Adren had told me he would feed the prisoners every day, yet why did this man look so fragile as if he hadn't eaten in weeks?

He let out a bitter laugh as I voiced out my question. "You really think they would feed _us_?" He scoffed before cursing in German.  
"Swearing won't help you," I commented and held out a loaf of bread which he gladly took, still cursing and complaining.  
I swear, he was just like my teacher back home. That prick had made me fail in Biology.

The next prisoner was a dwarf so thin I would never have recognized him, had it not been for his familiar manner of speech. "Come to finally feed us, have you, boo?" He asked with the same bitter tone as the German, if not hostile.  
"Honestly," I breathed, "what the fuck have I done to you that you guys hate me so much?"  
"It ain't like we hate you," he answered, taking the food I was handing to him, "these shits think we're possessed by the devil or somethin'. That ain't no excuse to lock us up like animals and torture us."  
 _Point taken_. I looked around for any guards nearby, seeing none, thus I scooted closer to him and whispered, "There are still some of us up there and unharmed. We'll get you out of here somehow."  
Surprise flashed across his face and I winked at him.  
But when I was about to move on, he held me back by my arm. "Where you from?"  
"New York," I said and he let me go.

* * *

"Adren," Ava called, striding purposefully towards the elf, her expression sour. "Y- yes, wha-" He was about to ask, but was cut off as she furiously shoved him against a wall. "You neglected some of the prisoners," she growled and his face turned pale, "for _days_."  
When he was about to explain he was slapped across the face. "I don't want to hear any excuses, Adren!" She almost shouted. "Those people are dying down there!"  
"B-but they told me the abominations were not to be fed," he whimpered, afraid of another hit. "Fuck your abomination shit! Who is responsible for this?!" She bellowed, ignoring the watching eyes gathering around them.

"That would be me," a silky, yet surly voice echoed behind her. Turning around she found the Spymaster's gaze tearing her almost apart, but that didn't faze her. "Then tell me," the elven woman began slowly, her voice rising with every word, expressing her fury, "why you would lock up innocent people for _nothing_!"  
Squinting her eyes, the Spymaster watched the frail woman, as if to calculate if she would pose any danger. "They are possessed," she answered calmly, the venom in her tone eminent.  
"Did they harm anyone?" The elf countered to which the woman replied, "A possessed mage does not necessarily attack-"  
"Did they _harm_ anyone?" She repeated, her hands balling into fists and the Spymaster sighed, shaking her head in reply.  
"Then you have to let them go," Ava spoke, her arms now crossed, "if you can't prove their intention of being a danger, then any excuse of yours is invalid, because right now, _you_ seem to be a threat to the people and not them."  
"I will not," she insisted, "for their rambling about unknown locations and use of words leads us to believe they are either spies or possessed and, indeed, dangerous. We will not let them go until we know who they are. Who are you anyway to allow yourself such accusations, _elf_?"

 _Oh no, you didn't,_ Ava thought and scoffed. "A concerned citizen. How will you be able to claim to fight for Thedas if the people you imprisoned turn out to be innocent? And not only that, you also seem to be unable of regarding elves as equal."  
"That is enough," the human declared, offering to continue the argument inside and away from prying ears, but the elf refused. "If we are going to talk about this, we're doing it _now_ , in front of the people _you_ are supposed to _protect_. Does the Herald know about this?"  
"No," was the answer to which the elf shook her head in disgust. "Of course she doesn't. I want them to be free before she returns or else you and I are going to have a talk with not only the Herald, but also everyone else responsible for this, _out here_."  
Her gaze found Solas's, her brows knitting more tightly together and her nostrils flaring in rage.  
"You seem to forget your place," the woman commented, to which the elf scoffed with a mocking shrug and shake of her head. "Okay, then wait for the Herald. Shame on you, Spymaster. What you are doing is unacceptable and your comment just now only proved how lowly you regard others."

With that she stormed off, leaving the Spymaster baffled and the people talking.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I'm back! And yes, I did include a reference to Liona from 'Where The Heart Lies'/'Be Strong, My Boy'.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note:** Yep, I just uploaded another chapter. Didn't see that coming after so long, huh? Thank you for your patience and enjoy!

* * *

 _Knock, knock._

Ava rolled her eyes and huffed, burying her face in her palms.

"Ava?" Sounded a soft male voice from the other side of the door, though she did not respond. "It's Solas. I'm coming in."

When he entered, he saw her angry glare already upon him as if she had been staring at the door before.  
"I apologize for intruding, but you cannot brood like this forever," he remarked, but she only turned away her gaze and scoffed.

Once again, he called her name only to be ignored. It was until his hand rested upon her shoulder that she gave a response. "Don't touch me," she spoke, her calm tone revealing her anger underneath.  
"Did I do something wrong?" Suddenly her head snapped around and caught him by surprise.  
" 'Did I do something wrong?' " She repeated mockingly. "Well, what do you think? You were the one sending them down there and God knows I'll be joining them soon. I thought I could trust you!"

The chair she had sat on had swirled to the ground as she was now standing, facing the bald elf with a furious gaze, yet her voice was controlled if not a bit shaky.  
"Ava," Solas began calmly, raising his hands in an attempt to soothe her, "I can assure you, no harm will come upon you, even though your actions earlier were dangerous."  
"This is not about me, Solas!" She fumed. "It's about _us!_ Those people and me altogether! They are like me, yet they are locked up down there and I am not! Why?"

He did not respond. Instead, a sigh escaped his lips and his gaze travelled towards the ground as he was thinking of a proper answer.  
"Yeah, thought so," Ava scoffed at the silence and stepped back from him, her tone becoming ever so calm and bitter, "watch out, I might turn into an _abomination_ any second now."

At that his head snapped back up as it was his turn to glare at her disapprovingly. "This is not funny. I need you to stay away from them," he commanded, "they are dangerous."  
"Dangerous?" A short scoffing laugh escaped her. "You know, that is _exactly_ what they have been telling me about you. You might see abominations in them, but I see broken people mourning the loss of their homes, which are on an entirely different world might I add."

Solas shook his head in frustration. "You do not understand," he persisted, "you are different. Your connection to the Fade differs from theirs."

* * *

 _What?_  
I was baffled. He was bullshitting me, wasn't he?  
"What do you... mean?" I asked uncertainly, my anger gone in a second and replaced by perplexion.  
"Precisely what I said," Solas answered, seemingly relieved that I had calmed down. Reaching down to pick up the chair, he continued while motioning for me to sit, "as I have mentioned before, your connection to the Fade is extraordinary. While I feel you are merely connected to it, albeit strongly, they seem to _belong_ there. Their 'connection' to the Fade resembles that of ill-willed spirits or… demons as others would call them. I theorized their transition to this world might have dragged in spirits from the Fade, as well, and it will only be a matter of time until they become mad and turn into abominations."

An almost unending silence ensued as I let his words sink in. "But…," I began hesitantly, "it is only a theory, right?"  
"Yes. Although if proven true, the people of Haven might be in immediate danger."

 _This can't be true…_

After a moment of thinking I spoke up again, leaning forward to Solas sitting on his chair in front of me, "Still, it is just a theory. It doesn't justify their imprisonment, much less the torture."  
"I take no credit in what is going on in the dungeons. The Spymaster came up with the idea of testing them in extreme conditions, to see if they would turn."  
"But they haven't," I retorted, crossing my arms as my back was resting comfortably against my chair, "and if your theory is false, you and the Spymaster will cry yourselves to sleep every night for the injustice you have done, right? Assuming you do have a heart, that is."

Another sigh. _Do that one more time and I'll knock that breath of yours out of your lungs for real._

"I truly dislike that accusing tone," he mumbled to himself. _What did you expect?_ "But you are right. I will try to persuade the Spymaster to release them again, although I can promise nothing. I am sorry, we should not have acted so harshly."  
I forced a slight smile, but my disappointment in him was still evident. "It's okay," I assured him, "I just thought… you would be more open to otherworldly matters."  
As his face fell I saw something he had never shown me. Guilt and shame.

 _Jackpot. What better way to make a man feel guilty than tell him something is okay even though it obviously isn't? Gets you every time._

When I stood up and approached Solas for an embrace, he did not hesitate to hug me back. No words needed to be said as we forged a silent reconciliation between us two.

Later that evening I lay on my bed, thinking back to everything that had happened, especially our discussion. But something was off.

 _Did I really manipulate the one and only Fen'Harel into guilt?_

I could not recognize myself as I thought of that moment. What I said, how I seemed to have taken control over his emotions and taken advantage of it when he showed vulnerability…

 _This is wrong…_

I frowned as I let these conflicted thoughts cloud my mind. _Just who are you, Ava?_


	16. Chapter 16

"What the fuck was that yesterday?!"  
Carlos was fuming. I couldn't blame him, because even I was aware of how unreasonable I had acted. Still, no matter how badly thought through my actions were, someone had to get the rock rolling.  
Now we only needed to plan how to keep going.  
Voicing out these thoughts, however, only seemed to set him off more.

"You think this is easy, huh?" He yelled, throwing over a cupboard in rage and making me flinch at the loud noise. " _You think this is easy?!_ Thanks to _you_ , chica, we'll all be either hunted down and killed, or locked up and tortured!"

"Hey, hey," Ray intervened, his arms held out defensively as he approached Carlos cautiously, "calm down, man, we'll figure this out."  
"Yeah, you're creeping me the fuck out," I mumbled and he scoffed. "Good. That way you'll stop this bullshit."  
"That's enough," Ray said, now standing between us two and keeping Carlos from me. Seriously, what had gotten into that guy? "Denise, I agree with Carlos, you should not have done this without proper planning first."  
Then his head turned towards Carlos. "Same goes for you, though, man. If you keep this up, we'll have to explain all this noise to the guards and _then_ we'll join the others for sure."

I agreed with Ray, telling them that Solas would think of something to free the others. "What did you just say?" Carlos asked incredulously, his rage bubbling up yet again.  
Had it not been for Ray, my face would not have survived, seeing as how he began to struggle in his grip.  
"We'll sort this out later," Ray told me and nodded towards the door, "it'd be best to let things cool down a bit."  
Nodding in defeat, I headed towards the door and left.

Once outside, I didn't know what to do. My hands were almost shaking and my legs felt like giving out. My mind was simply blank. Carlos's reaction had hit me like a truck even though I couldn't take him seriously at first.  
Thinking back to it only made my fear of him grow stronger and I sighed. He wouldn't have hit me, right? No… he would have. As much as I'd like to believe that we could talk later, I didn't think I could face him again. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to see Ray again.

 _Maybe Solas was right, after all. Maybe they're more dangerous than I thought they are._

When I looked up from the ground I had been staring at, I let my gaze wander. The spot where Varric had usually been hanging out was empty since Hata's departure, which was kind of relieving, to be honest.  
Soon my eyes were locked onto my shack. It had been some kind of refuge for me whenever I did not feel well but… I felt like I had holed myself up in there enough times already. _Fuck that, I'm gonna go picnicking._  
Thus I walked up to my little haven, only to grab a basket and fill it with food before heading out again.  
I was glad no one threw me weird glances, since picnicking in snow wasn't a common thing to do. Until I passed through the gate.  
Of course, there had been no way around Bull since I had to pass by him in order to get to my destination.  
When he had asked me where I was going I had hoped he would leave me be after I answered truthfully, but alas, he didn't. Meaning I was now stuck with a horned giant in the middle of nowhere, picnicking.

"Soo," he began, trying to break the silence as I was not very talkative around him, "people usually get used to a qunari after a while." _I would have, too, if I didn't have secrets I don't know how to hide._  
I take a glance at him, before focusing my attention on the slice of bread in my hands. What was I going to answer? I was just too nervous and afraid to say anything, much less think. But what was there even to be afraid of? He was not stupid enough to act on me being simply suspicious. _Then again, being suspicious and a possible danger was enough to get the Spymaster to kill off innocent people,_ I reminded myself.  
"I'm sorry," I sigh finally, "there are just… things on my mind."  
He gives me a grin. "Here I thought you'd never talk," he chuckles, "anyway, what kind of things? Anyone causing you trouble?"  
I shrug. "No, no, it's not that…"  
An intense and calculating stare told me he wasn't buying it.  
"Well... maybe," I stuttered, "okay, yes."

After a while of beating around the bush I finally gave in, since Bull wasn't about to relent.  
"I just don't know whom to believe."  
That definitely caught his attention as he raised an eyebrow and leaned forward, urging me to continue. "It's just… my friends are angry with me for trying to set everything right and I just don't know whom to trust anymore. Everything is just so…"  
"Confusing?" He finished for me and I nodded, while taking a frustrated bite.  
"By setting everything right... you mean freeing the prisoners, right?" He asked and I couldn't help but feel the suspicion buried deep beneath his sympathetic tone. I didn't answer, so he continued, "and by friends you mean that old man and the elf? Thomas and… Devin, right?"  
And I took another bite in frustration. _He's fucking interrogating me._  
When I sourly pointed that out, he simply laughed, admitting that he was trying to get more information from me, and I huffed. Was he talking to everyone he found suspicious so openly? What kind of spy would lay out their intentions so freely?  
"Look, if I thought you'd be a danger I would have treated you differently. And so would the Spymaster. Just a warning, though," he said casually, before his tone became threatening, "meddling in dangerous affairs can still end badly."  
"Here I thought we were becoming friends," I remarked sarcastically to which I got another laugh. "What, you don't want to?"  
"Not when I get the feeling I'll be killed off for saying something wrong."

With a sigh he grabbed an apple from my basket. "You're hard to talk to, you know that?" He said before taking a bite, and I shrugged.  
Thus we sat there in silence, eating apples, until Bull suddenly stood.  
When I looked at him quizzically, he nodded his head to my right with his eyes locked into the distance as his hand wandered to the pommel of his battleaxe. Following his gaze my eyes landed on a dark silhouette on the horizon, approaching us slowly. 


	17. Chapter 17

"Stay back," Bull ordered, pushing me behind him as he was about to unsheathe his weapon.  
Upon closer look, the silhouette did not resemble any kind of humanoid. It was too tall and skinny for a human and… _what the fuck is that ugly thing?_  
Green skin, scales, multiple eyes, long legs and arms… There was a fucking terror demon stomping its way towards us.  
"W-we should go back," I managed to choke out in my stupor, but Bull shook his head. "I can take this one down."  
"There's gotta be a tear in the Veil nearby, meaning there might be more where this one came from," I warned him, grabbing his arm in an attempt to drag him back, "we shouldn't stay, Bull, come on."  
I heard him let out a hearty chuckle, before he turned his head around to face me. "I'm flattered you care for me, but there's no need to worry," he replied, winking at me. Now the demon had all of his attention. _Oh boy,_ I thought, _there he goes._

As he slowly approached the demon which was now only a few feet away from us, I scanned our surroundings. There was nothing but snow and Haven in the distance. No tear in the Veil.  
What surprised me even more was the demon's behavior. Usually, when a terror demon was close enough, it would teleport itself to their enemy, right? Well, this one didn't. What's more, instead of doing anything threatening, it rumbled something intelligible and did a gesture similar to a wave. _I think that demon's broken._  
A snort and a side glance from Bull told me I hadn't kept that thought to myself. _Oops_.

I was intrigued. That demon was trying to tell us something, I was sure of it. Despite Bull's warnings to stay back, I followed him stubbornly, my eyes fixed on the demon, as I was trying to understand its weird ramblings.  
"Taa…suu… kete,"I heard. _Did it just… Is that… Japanese?! Okay, what the fuck._  
And just as Bull was about to charge into battle, I grabbed and clinged to his arm with all my might, yet he had still almost flung me off in the process of swinging his axe.  
He asked me if I was mad, and yes, perhaps I was, but what was I supposed to do when a demon suddenly asked for help in _Japanese?_  
"Don't attack," I huffed, letting go of his arm, and he cocked his brow. Nothing needed to be said as his face said it all. 'Are you serious?' _Well, yes I am, bitch. Deal with it_.

"It's trying to tell us something," I explained and allowed it to come closer.  
"And if it does attack-" he began, but I interrupted him, "Then I'm dead. Who cares?"  
Shaking his head, he pushed me behind him, refusing to sheathe his weapon. Instead, he played along and talked to the demon. "You're close enough."  
And it stopped dead in its tracks. _Wow_.  
"You're not really a demon, are you?" I asked meaningfully, and its gaze shifted onto me.  
To be honest, I had never imagined my first encounter with a demon like that. This whole situation was just bat-shit crazy.  
The demon did not seem to understand what I had said, again rambling some bullshit. So I tried again.  
"What's your name?" But to no avail. Rolling my eyes, I tried again, trying to reach deep down into my mind, going through my extremely limited Japanese vocabulary list I had learned long ago. It was the first time watching animes had actually proven useful.

"Namae," she said, tapping her hands onto her chest, "Ava desu."  
The demon nodded with a grimace, trying to smile but failing. "Ryouta desu. Hajimemashite," was its reply as it bowed to her.  
'Why is it bowing to her?' Bull wondered.  
He watched their conversation with interest. What was this foreign language even? In that moment he realized that this elf beside him was knowledgeable of things far beyond his spectrum. Yet, she didn't seem like a threat, at all.  
It became obvious that Ava was far from fluent in that language as she was trying to make it up with wild gesticulations which seemed laughable at best. She also would revert to English in frustration many times and curse under her breath.  
The demon could not understand that accompanying the two to Haven was too dangerous, since its presence would need an explanation none of the two had an answer for.  
Finally, the elf snapped, her curses becoming loud enough for Bull to hear, intriguing him even more.  
"Siktir git," she barked, throwing her hand in the air dismissively, "senin ile mi uğraşicam bütün gün, salak."  
That, he understood, and he bellowed in laughter, even though her knowledge of Kossith threw up even more questions. How did a simple elf know that much?

* * *

Siktir git - Fuck off  
Senin ile mi uğraşicam bütün gün - As if I'm going to deal with you the whole day (loosely translated)  
salak - idiot

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Been a while, eh? I've been thinking about deleting this story, since I kind of feel self-conscious about it. Perhaps rewriting it would be a better idea, though. Anyway, I found this chapter I had written long ago and with all the follows and favorites rolling in, I decided I couldn't just leave you guys hanging. Cheers!


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